How to do a No Buy without it feeling restrictive
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Something you should know about me is i’m very much a ‘has an idea, starts immediately’ kind of person. So it wasn’t long after toying with the idea of doing a no buy wardrobe challenge that I started. I ran it past a friend or two, but I genuinely didn’t overthink it. Instead, I decided i’d address any ‘hurdles’ as they arose and write about them here.
As we enter the mid way point for January there is no shortage of ‘no buy’ content, it’s fair to say it’s trending. And if there’s one hesitancy that comes up time and time again, it’s the question ‘How do I do a no buy without it feeling restrictive?’
I spoke about 10 common misconceptions about doing a no buy, but I want to go into a little more detail on the ‘how to do it’ without it feeling restrictive part.
I think the first elephant in the room we have to address is your reasons for doing a no buy. I feel like i’m a broken record, but I never saw my no buy as a way to make up for my past consumption, or a way to right my past wrongs. It was not a punishment. It was born out of curiosity and a desire to get creative with what I already owned.
I think ironically the fact that doing a no buy is trending, is part of the problem, because just like ‘dry January’, or any other ‘new years resolution’ unless you feel a sense of curiosity, a desire to play, your brain has already been programed to see a no buy as a punishment. People start doing a no buy because they believe they should, vs asking themselves why does this speak to me?
Step 1 - Change your reasons
The question: do you like your reasons is important when it comes to doing a no buy, because you’re able to confront your own motivation. Is it tied to a moral judgement or a genuine desire to learn, to play and to get creative? I genuinely thought I could make a styling course without any mindset questions or prompts but what we wear, and how we shop are deeply rooted in how we think, how we feel, and how we want to feel. That’s why i’ve made sure the course addresses the way you currently think and how to change it. Let’s face it, if getting dressed was purely for function, we would all be wearing a loin cloth.
I get that you might be thinking, well yes actually I do feel bad about my consumption and I do want to look at my spending when it comes to my closet, if that’s the case, great! Let’s look at that, but without the judgement.
The narrative we give any choice has the ability to cause suffering.
In a world where social media wants to label everyone as good or bad, right or wrong it sometimes feels like we’re being forced to pick a side. But I think it’s all so much more nuanced than that. It comes back to ‘the both and’ approach.
When I was confronting my own reasons for doing a no buy, I can’t lie my spending had become excessive (in relation to how much I was earning) and it didn’t surprise me that it had become a coping mechanism that had somewhat kept me afloat before finally being diagnosed with depression in May of 2024. I used my love of personal style as a way to justify said spending, BUT, and here’s the important part, I didn’t shame myself for this. Shame doesn’t work.
I talk so much about curiosity being a part of my journey and this is what helped me question my thinking, eg what buying more had represented…namely, escapism and a desire to feel enough. Curiosity helped me see there were certain things I needed to change in my life that were no longer serving me (many of which had nothing to do with my style or what I spent). This led me to the creativity, eg how would it feel if:
“I could fall in love with what I have? Could I discover outfits i’d never thought of before? What if this made me feel more at home in my body? If shopping wasn’t an option how would I approach my closet? Does my current closet allow me to show up in the world in a way that feels authentic to me and my style?” Questions bring us back to ourselves, and this has been my experience. It is these questions that bought me back to and amplified my creativity without feeling restricted or like I was missing out.
Step 2 - Choose guidelines not rules
In order to make a no buy something you actually want to do for you, opt for guidelines instead of rules. It means having some agency over the how, vs copy and pasting someone else’s rules because you think they’re doing it right. When making my no buy styling course, I was very conscious to make a course where it would act as a guide for others to make a no buy that is centered around guidelines that work for them. Instead of me telling you the timeline, the dos and donts, I show you how to come up with your own guidelines that feel empowering and exciting to you.
I’ve seen a lot of comparison between No buys and diets , so let’s look at it. If you told me tomorrow all I could eat was cabbage and nothing else for 30 days (after telling you to kindly fuck off) i’d know in my heart that would feel restrictive and much like a punishment. Now if you told me you can eat whatever you want but ‘could you’ (not ‘you have to’) make 5 recipes this month that include cabbage, I might not hate you so much, and I’d be curious to see if I could do it. I’d wonder if I could make it tasty each time? Could I change the texture from soft to crunchy, I might experiment with different varieties, marinades or seasoning (this is creativity, a result of curiosity). I might decide instead of cabbage, I could do the same but with sweet potato, (this is agency) here i’m choosing something I know I want to try…this is also a result of curiosity and asking myself questions that are outside of restriction.
The point I hope i’m making is that anything has the potential to feel restrictive when you have no agency over the how, or you do something you don’t want to do, or do it in a certain way that doesn’t feel in alignment. Cabbage has the potential to be part of a delightful culinary experience, AND it also has the potential to become a food I never want to see again and end up loathing. Both can be true. If I tell myself I can never have something again whether that’s a box of Malteasers or a pair of Manolos, guess what I’m gonna want…let it rain Malteasers and Manolos! But when I tell myself I will be able to buy Malteasers or Manolos, just not in this exact moment, my brain feels a sense of relief.
Step 3 - Challenge your relationship with desire.
You have to learn how to embrace and entertain desire. It’s a practice. Desire isn’t bad. Despite what you’ve been led to believe you don’t need to be afraid of it. I trust my desire, but I also know I don’t always need to act on it in that second. I ask it questions, I sit with it. In a world of buy with one click it makes sense we choose immediate and instant gratification over flirting with the desire of wanting something.
This is where my Traffic Light System & my Notion Wardrobe wishlist have been life changing (both are inside the course). By adding an item I desire to on my list i’ve had time to sit with it, sometimes i’ve gone from a green light to a red light thanks to being able to answer specific questions (used within the traffic light system). Sometimes a yellow light becomes a green light that i’m excited to buy at the end of the no buy. I get to enjoy the longing for something with the knowledge it will be mine, or, that something better will come along. (I wrote about how to know if you’re panic buying here.) If there’s one question that’s always worth asking when buying anything; it’s ‘WHY do you want it?’ And ultimately, (back to step 1), liking your reasons. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.
So whether you’re doing a no buy, a low buy or you just want to make the most of your existing pieces, the missing piece to the puzzle is curiosity. Curiosity is the antidote to believing you can get this wrong. And if you need some help navigating this journey you can learn more about the No Buy Styling Course here.
Thanks for reading
Harry x
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Obsessed with this Notion wishlist!! I may need to try this out...