How Do You Know If You're Panic Buying?

Recognising the thought process of fomo

All photos. by Drew Blackwell

I honestly think I made my Substack mostly in response to questions from friends, and observations of other people’s shopping behaviour (not judging I promise) while I watch from the sidelines during my no buy. The beauty of my own no buy is it continues to highlight a lot of my own past shopping behaviors and how I want to approach shopping differently when my no buy ends.

After facetiming with a friend who is about to embark on a no buy, I could see a very clear dilema presenting itself. That is, opening parcels of things she bought over the past few weeks before she starts, and driving herself crazy with the back and forth of whether or not she should keep certain items, or return them. *Rubs hands together with excitement to get into this*

There’s no denying it, this is the diet mentality in full swing, the quick, ‘i’m about to restrict myself, so I need to get everything I want now while I still can’. My friend had planned in advance before Black Friday what she wanted to pick up, and she had spent time considering her purchases, but sure enough, there were those extra pieces that found their way into her shopping cart. I could see through her body language and facial expression just how much time and energy this decision was taking away from her. The back and forth of the do I don’t I was causing genuine anxiety. She wanted to know what I thought she should do.

As someone who has been here myself (MANY, many times), I could recognise her thought process instantly….

• ‘I didn’t want to regret not buying it, risk fomo or being mad at myself later if I do return it’

• ‘The sale price made it such a great discount, if ever I was going to buy it, it makes sense to buy it now’

• ‘What if I start my no buy and it’s the one thing that would have made getting dressed easier/filled a genuine gap?’

• ‘What if it sells out/they stop making it and I’m never able to find it again?’

Let’s go through each point with a magnify glass and really pick apart the thoughts, that more times than not, lead to a panic buy. Often followed by the emotional exhaustion of should I, shouldn’t I keep it?

‘I don’t want to regret not buying it’

It’s funny how many of us make decisions based on our future selves and future lives (the person we are not yet, and things we haven’t yet experienced), vs what we are living and experiencing in the present moment. I think the fear of regret comes from a belief this one thing can make us infinitely happier than we are without it. Fashion sells us an idea that we can belong, that we can fit in. It sells us an idea that owning certain items will get us more of what we desire. Buy the bag and you’ll get the job. Buy the cute dress and you’ll get the guy, etc etc. Buy this and you’ll be happy.

A fear of regret is attached to fear of the future and what we might miss out on. I have flashbacks of being in Bicester Village (a designer outlet in the UK) where at times I’ve found it impossible to be present with who i’m with, because i’m debating in my head whether or not to get the shoes I just saw, that if I don’t buy, someone else will. Going back into the shop in a mad panic, hoping the sales assistant doesn’t think i’m crazy knowing full well it’s my third time walking in and walking out again. The urgency feeling ever more apparent, knowing if I don’t buy them, those shoes will haunt me for the rest of my life. Yet that hasn’t been what actually happens, it’s just what my brain tells me will happen.

‘I need to get it because it’s on sale’

I remember watching a documentary years ago where they put a heart monitor on the youtuber Fleur De Force while she shopped in the discount store TJ Maxx. The purpose being to demonstrate what happens to our body physically (heart rate goes up, increase in dopamine etc) when we see that something is heavily discounted. Specifically the effect it has on our decision making skills when we can see what the price would have been, vs what it went down to in the sale. We are programed to love a bargain (Guilty as charged), but it’s easier than ever for the brands to make something appear to be a bargain when technically it’s not. In the Netflix documentary ‘Buy Now: The Shopping Conspiracy’ they highlighted exactly how brands do this, especially around shopping events like Black Friday or January sales etc. There will always be a sale. And nowadays there always is a sale! My golden rule is if I wouldn’t be willing to pay full price for it, then I won’t buy it just because it’s on sale. Ironically, this alone has saved me a lot more money than shopping in the sale ever has.

‘What if I start my no buy and it’s the one thing that would have made getting dressed easier/filled a genuine gap?’

Call it what it is…..fomo! From doing my no buy it’s actually highlighted what a gap is and isn’t knowing I can’t just add it straight away. The gift of time has given me the space to observe my thinking and watch it adapt. It’s been fascinating to see my brain tell me something is ‘a gap’ that needs filling, vs a sneaky way to get me to buy something that’s trending that I know deep down in my bones just isn’t really me. The need to belong, better still, to be adored by others is a strong caveman desire that still controls a lot of our decision making. Our brain associates it with feeling safe. When I remember this I’m able to have some compassion and remind myself my brain is doing what it does in a bid to make me feel safe. When you can’t fill a gap immediately you get to enjoy other pieces in your wardrobe, it increases your creativity using what you do have.

‘What if it sells out and I’m never able to find it again?’

This one has caused me a lot of pain in the past, especially as someone who loves to shop pre loved pieces on sites like The Real Real. This is where my brain seeks out the most compelling pinterest quote to convince myself I need to buy it now ‘yolo’ or ‘better to regret something you have done, vs something you haven’t’. Let’s say you never did find that item again, in the grand scheme of things, would it be something you’re going to think about on your deathbed…probably not.

There are so many pieces I have bought based on this assumption that unsurprisingly I have gone on to resell or donate. There is so much data from what we get rid of and what we don’t wear in as much as what we do wear. Take note of what these items are, so you can identify any patterns. By the same lens the pieces I did ‘miss out’ on are long forgotten, because there was always something equally if not more beautiful that came after. There will always be beautiful things in the world. I’m also equally surprised how many pieces were once on my radar, only to have missed out on, and then found them later in life when I wasn’t looking for them.

Maybe it’s the woo in me, but I believe to some extent the pieces that are meant to be in our wardrobe will find a way to us, which more times than not only happens when we let go of the urgency. Case in point my old Celine tan loafers. I remember when these first came out (I think) in the 2010’s. At that point they were significantly out of my price range, but I loved them and really wanted to own them one day. Years later I saw a pair on TRR, but someone else snagged them before I could. I let myself be sad for a moment, then I got on with my life. A year later, when i’d all but forgotten about them, there they were again on TRR for $150. I bought them, and i’m glad I own them.

To Conclude

It’s true not every purchase has to be about filling in gaps, but when the majority of the decisions we do make are based on a need to have it now and rooted in fomo, we increase our percentage of panic buying. Your brain needs time to think. This is why I made sure in my no buy styling course you’ll learn how to identify a gap (based on your personal style), how to style the pieces you do have so you’re not always looking for newness and how to shop with intention moving forward using the traffic light system. I would like to think after my no buy that i’m working towards 80% considered and intentional purchases and that 20% leaves me with some wiggle room for the pieces that find me, and for spontaneous shopping that in moderation I genuinely enjoy.

Looking back to before my no buy, I could recognise that for the most part, buying more had a lot to do with a need to be accepted, to feel worthy, in a bid to feel enough. Shopping had also become a distraction and a way to numb out. That realisation alone was a huge part of what helped me want to reconnect with my understanding of personal style and to get creative with what I do have, for me, and me alone. If there’s one hill I will die on when it comes to my no buy, it is this: my number one motivator for doing this was to reconnect to play and to help me come home to myself. It was not, and never will be a punishment or a way to be morally superior. It has been, and continues to be a fun, expansive and a fascinating journey.

Thanks for reading

Harry x

p.s. If you have any questions about the no buy styling course, feel free to pop them in the comments below.