What happens when my no buy ends?

& a reminder not to put anyone (including me) on a pedestal

Photos by Drew Blackwell

When it came to starting my own 365 day no buy wardrobe challenge, it was always born out of curiosity. I wanted to put my own wardrobe to the test and reconnect with my creativity. I merely wanted to share my findings in the hope that it could be helpful for anyone else who wanted to try it and it’s the main reason I started this substack. This challenge was never about being a martyr or trying to make out I am somehow better than those that shop. I am not anti shopping.

What I find fascinating is the discourse around women shopping and what they spend their money on has now become a hot topic as a way to pedestal certain people over others. Generally speaking, those that spend a lot of money on clothes etc are seen as bad, those who don’t shop these items are seen as morally superior, and i’m just not here for that. It reeks of patriarchy.

There’s also this strange expectation for women to explain themselves if they do spend a lot of money on clothing, as if they owe the internet or the world at large an explanation, better still a justification. What irks me more than anything is we don’t ask this of men, so why do we expect it of women?

It makes so much sense why people fear failing at a no buy challenge when the moral high ground is only reserved for those who succeed at not shopping. I don’t know who needs to hear this but my no buy was, and still is for me. I’m not trying to prove i’m better than anyone. I am a flawed human being just like the rest of us, and it doesn’t help me, or anyone else, to be put on a pedestal. I have loved this challenge so much because I did it for me. It did exactly what I hoped it would, it has reignited my creativity and my connection to play. It has reminded me to romanticize what I do have, and helped me question my relationship to shopping, but that doesn’t make me anti shopping.

When my no buy ends I have no idea what I will feel, how I will act. I’ve thought about extending my no buy because it’s been so much fun but i’m also wildly curious to see how does it feels to be able to shop again? My hope is that this challenge has given me the tools I need to become a more intentional shopper. Before the challenge, my spending was getting a little out of sorts. Shopping had become a coping mechanism justified by my genuine love of personal style. Needing a little treat every time I had an uncomfortable feeling was not helping my bank balance, or my sanity. I had a lot of stuff, but I felt overwhelmed, uninspired and over stimulated.

I spent my twenties in a lot of debt while I tried to navigate becoming a makeup artist living in London. So when I did start making what to me felt like a considerable amount of money, a big part of me made up for past me who couldn’t afford those things. But if i’m really honest with myself, what I know to be true is that no matter what I earnt (even when it was very little) I still shopped impulsively and sometimes compulsively. I had never let myself sit with the discomfort of not ‘soothing’ myself with a little treat. The only difference is that as I earnt more money, the treats became more expensive.

In the words of David Beckham, ‘I like nice things’, and i’m never going to apologize for that. But what my no buy has helped me sit with is not needing to act on impulse. It’s helped me turn to what I do have first and just take a beat. It slowed me down and has shown me how to feel enough without buying more to fill a hole that shopping alone can’t fill.

Maybe I will allow myself one item a month? Maybe I will do a no buy every other year? It’s hard to make decisions when I just feel so at ease with where my wardrobe currently is, and all I know is that has been down to not shopping for a considerable length of time.

There will inevitably come a point where I shop again and my hope is that generally speaking, there will be a little more thought that goes into identifying what genuinely is a gap that makes sense to fill and what isn’t. And look, there have been joy purchases in my wardrobe that I can’t say were planned, they found me in many ways, right time, right place type of situation, that i’m not mad at myself for buying. I’m not a robot. I don’t expect myself to never buy something that isn’t planned again, but i’m not seeking perfection. I’m just looking to improve the relationship I have with myself and turn to what I do have first. My priority is my creativity, not getting a gold star because I didn’t shop.

All I do know is I want to help more people navigate their own no buy in a bid to reconnect to their creativity, and really explore what personal style means to them. This year has been challenging for many reasons, but (in addition to getting professional help) navigating my way out of depression was helped hugely by my love of personal style. Getting dressed gave me something, it helped me come home to myself.

How we spend our money and on what isn’t anyone’s business but our own. Some of my favorite memories are related to specific shopping trips and i’m not going to apologize for that. The power for me came in recognising the difference of needing something in a bid to feel like I fit in, to feel enough, vs shopping to feel at home in my body. A question that helps me shop with intention is ‘would I still like this item if it wasn’t trending/ if it wasn’t an item that the fashion industry/ creators I love are telling me is cool? If the answer is yes, I would still love it, then I’ve learned to trust my gut.

I’m not afraid to look dated, or out of fashion. I wear what I like, for me. My no buy solidified that belief and turned it into a key wardrobe value, a closet compass if you will. For that, i’m eternally grateful.

Of course in a perfect world no one would judge each other and we’d all live happily ever after, alas it isn’t a perfect world. But wouldn’t it be lovely if we could stop building each other up, just to tear each other down? That Barbie monologue comes to mind.

Anyway, I hope you’re having a wonderful week and thanks for reading.

Harry x